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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

A letter to my Momma...

It's unfathomable.... The fact that it is nearly three years since you've been gone is so hard to believe. It feels like just yesterday that I was able to call you and tell you all about Nickolas' latest dilemma. (poor kid)... I think that he may have been the only child that baffled you when it came to understanding how or why a child would act in such inconsistent ways and the only child that you couldn't advise the parent on what to do with "him/her." LOL... I'm happy to tell you that over the past three years, Nickolas has certainly matured and doesn't create the difficult dilemmas he once did and has grown up quite a bit. Obviously, because he is still a 14 year old boy he still does things that make me say, "wth???" but for the most part he is finding consistency in his life and even looking to the future discussing desires and goals. So that is a very big improvement since you've been gone.

You would be very proud of Isaiah for being such a determined, dedicated, and strong willed young man. At his current age of 12, he shows extreme determination when it comes to "finishing what he started" (such as following through with commitments for extra curricular activities) and dedication to Tang Soo Do training. He is now a 2nd Gup Red Belt which means that he should be able to test for black belt next September or March at the latest. His karate school is participating in a tournament that is being held in South Korea in 2014 (details to come soon) and Isaiah wants to go terribly bad! The downfall is that I have to financial support his desire to compete and I just don't know how I can possibly come up with that kind of fiscal demand. I have some ideas but I'm waiting for more details from his Tang Soo Do Grand Master on the actual event to implement any kind of fundraiser at this time. I know that if there is any way I can ensure he be able to go and compete in South Korea where Tang Soo Do originated (which is literally a once in a lifetime opportunity), he'll be there; along with at least myself and maybe Michael and Nick, too. Although karate is his biggest passion, Isaiah is in his 2nd year of playing the trumpet. He doesn't seem to like or dislike it, so we are kind of in limbo as to his future in trumpet playing. It's one of those things Michael and I are just waiting on to see if his desire increases or decreases over this school year. He is going to need a new trumpet next year, so he will have to make some kind of a decision by then, but for now he is in band at school with his first concert scheduled for next month (December, 2012).

As for me, well, you know how it goes... I could always be better, but I can always be a lot worse, too. I struggle a lot without having you here to talk to about everything and anything. I never realized how much I of my life I shared with just you, until you weren't here to share it with. I haven't found anyone to replace your ears, however Michael's mother tries very hard to accommodate my "mommy needs." Bonnie still is a big help too, but no one will ever replace you and that's something that I realize but have a hard time accepting, because I miss you so much that I wish someone could fill the void you left in my heart. I wish that when I called Gram or even Bonnie for that matter, that it would be just as good as if I were talking to you. They certainly go above and beyond anything I could ever ask for in terms of mother in laws, but you only have one "mom." I think that is true of everyone, though. I don't think anyone can fill the void left in someone's heart when they leave this physical earth of another being. Especially a parent, sibling, or child. These bonds are simply just irreplaceable, as much as I hate that they are, I know it's true.

Dad is doing okay, I suppose. I guess the best he can without you. I thank God everyday that he hasn't turned into a hermit and isolated himself from the world and the people in it that love him. He doesn't seem to be angry with God for taking you home to be with Him, which makes me very happy. He lives his life one day at a time and simply does what makes him happy without much consideration for doing what would make other people happy. LOL... I don't say that in a bad way, but he likes to smoke his cigarettes, drink his coffee, torture the employees at WaWa with his silly wit, eat what he wants, drink what he wants, and no one is going to change the way he lives; NO ONE! We (meaning Kelly, Brooke and I) try not to get on his case about his health because he has made it very clear that he doesn't care about his health because he doesn't care if he lives or dies. He just chooses to continue living life the way he wants to and if anyone doesn't like it, "to hell with them", lol. I totally understand his feelings and even though I wish he had a stronger desire to stay with us as long as possible, I want him to go home and be with you, where he truly wants to be, just as much. He is still the same Dad, willing to help out us kids anyway he can. He is still the same "Fa" or "Fa Ra", telling his grandchildren to be bold and of course pushing his ideology of "men are better than women" into their curious little brain cells. He is still the same Brother in Law, checking in on Aunt Mary and spending time with her during the week on the avenue and staying in touch with Aunt Fran since Uncle Bruce passed away. He is still the same friend, going to dinner on Saturday nights with his 2nd family, lol. All in all, he does very well emotionally, but everyone knows that when you left him in this physical life to begin your eternal life with the Heavenly Father, you left a gigantic hole in his heart that again, could never be replaced by another. I know his misses you very much, but he doesn't talk about it. He copes in his own way, just the way he always has and always will.

I talked to Aunt Mary a few days ago, which doesn't happen as often as it should. I called her to ask her about a term that apparently is common knowledge, but I had never heard of it. To my dismay, she had heard of it and I had to suck it up and admit once again that Michael was right. LOL... Michael was certain you had used the term and therefore, I had to have known it and that everyone else in my family knows it. So, trying to prove him wrong, I called Aunt Mary for back up and well, like I said, backing down is what I got.. LOL... But anyway, whenever we talk, you always come up somehow. She misses you dearly and thinks of you often. She has very supportive children and what seem to be outstanding performing grandchildren that she has her focus on, but I know she misses you and Aunt Linda tremendously. Losing one sister has to be very traumatic, I can't even imagine losing two sisters all within four months! I don't even want to try and imagine her pain. She is a survivor, but she is 75 years old now and her aches and pains continue to get worse with age. She makes the best of her life as she always has and is a great support system for Dad. I know she will be very happy to be reunited with you one day, if her name is written in the our Heavenly Father's Eternal Book of Life. Well, I've rambled enough. I just wanted to talk to you because this time of year is extra difficult for me! I talk to you every day, but sometimes it just feels better to talk to you through letters. I have a certain peace when I leave you notes, almost as if you are actually reading them. Who knows? Maybe you are, but I kind of think you're a bit busy with your eternal family. Give my baby girl great big hugs and kisses for me!! :) Also, please give my love to A. Linda, Mom-mom, Mam-mam, Pop-pop, Lisa, Adam, U. Bruce, Pap-pap, Gramps, Nana Mengel and anyone else you are able to from me... God still needs me here on this earth, but before you know it, I'll be walking through those pearly gates and joining you in eternity.

I love and miss you so very much, Momma!!!!

Love Your Daughter
 ~Sherri

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

What's new and not so new...

I've been a pretty optimistic person for the majority of my life. I have been able to find "good" in some very "bad" circumstances. Because I know God's promise to his children, that He will never give us more than we can handle, it's hard not to be optimistic in difficult situations if I'm exercising my faith. But there times when I am challenged to remain faithful and believe that God will make everything right.

I have told several of you about Michael getting laid off early next month. Because of this, we will only have health insurance until the end of December. Without health insurance, it will be very difficult for me to be able to get the medications I desperately need in order to stay sane. I know I joke a lot about my health issues, but the truth of the matter is that these issues are very serious and it is critical that I continue to take medication in order to stay healthy in so many ways. I'm very scared that when Michael loses his job and we lose health insurance that my treatment plan will be severely impacted and I will end up back at the very beginning of my 12 year battle with my health issues.

Over the past 12 years, I've had many ups and downs during my treatment. My doctor continues to try different medications and "cocktails" to at least stabilize the current status of my issues. Some medications have worked great, but only for a short period of time. After I've exhausted all the dosage increases medically allowed, it's time to try a something new. Several "new" medications have sent me to the ER with a seizure, a neck muscle spasm so strong that my head was literally stuck twisted entirely to the right side of my body, and one where I experienced hallucinations and heard voices. My estimate is that over the past 12 years I have tried over 50 different medications to treat my disorders. I have made great improvement in some areas, but continue to struggle with anxiety, mood swings, attention deficit, hypothyroidism, depression and anemia. So, needless to say, I am very concerned that I will not be able to get the medical treatment I need without health insurance.

So, I'm calling all Prayer Warriors to please pray for me and my family. The financial struggles that we are currently enduring are tough enough to deal with, but without getting the medical attention I need, I don't know what may happen. I have faith in God and I keep reminding myself of His promise, but it's been difficult for me to cling to my faith, because of my fears. I need to stand strong in my faith and remain in complete communion with Him. I have turned these burdens over to God, because I know I can only do so much before I just have to let go of it and allow God to take control. We have done what we can on our end and will continue to do whatever we can to get through this turbulent time. We know we are in God's hands. Please pray that we are able to find some kind of peace while we are jumping the next hurdles on our Christian pathway.

On a much more positive note, Isaiah passed his karate test on Friday evening (October 19, 2012) and is a "2nd Red Gup." Since I don't really understand the whole "Gup" rating scale, I view his rank as a "2nd degree Red belt." Much easier, don't you think? LOL... Basically what this means is that he has two more tests in order to receive the highest rank red belt and then an additional test that he has to pass in order to be a candidate for black belt testing. Once he passes the third test, he will be classified as a "Cho Dong Bao." During this six month period, he will be training for his black belt test four to five evenings a week. The actual black belt testing is only offered twice a year; in September and March. If all goes as planned, and Isaiah is able to test every three months which is what is normally offered for colored belt testing, he will be eligible to take his black belt test in September of 2013! Very exciting for all of us who have watched him train for the past 2+ years in Tang Soo Do martial arts. Obtaining your black belt is the first goal of Tang Soo Do martial arts. After one receives their black belt, their next goal is to achieve black belt excellence. After Isaiah is a black belt, he plans to continue training and increase his rank as a black belt by training to obtain the next "degree" of black belt. I have not educated myself very much regarding what training actually occurs after obtaining black belt. I know after you reach a certain degree of black belt you can become a "Master" and even a "Grand Master," but these ranks take years of training to reach. Assuming Isaiah continues to maintain the drive he has to continue training in martial arts, obtaining these ranks will be achieved. He absolutely loves karate and in particular, loves to spar. He goes to class three evenings a week currently and is in the black belt club which allows him to train in weapons. We try to take him to at least three tournaments a year, but they are always very expensive and very far away, so with our current financial situation I don't know if he will be able to go to any other tournament besides the one held at his school. This tournament usually consists of students from approximately three schools competing while other tournaments usually have 15-20 schools competing. We will have to see what the future holds. I am very proud of Isaiah's dedication and determination to remain disciplined with his training. He would train every day if he could, meaning he would go to karate class every day. He does train at home every day by practicing his kicks and punches on the karate bag thingy we bought him for Christmas last year. He does push ups, jumping jacks, and crunches daily and seems to be fairly concerned with his physical health. I'm beginning to wonder if they gave me the wrong baby when he was born, LOL.. Physical health and body conditioning does not come from my side of the family, that's for sure... :)

As for Nickolas... oh Nickolas, Nickolas, Nickolas, LOL... I can say that he is doing much better in 8th grade than he did in his two years in 7th grade so far. I didn't get any bad progress reports for him which is a first for him since starting middle school in 6th grade. So, he deserves mega kudos for actually caring about his grades which again is a first for Nick. LOL... As any other 14 year old boy, I think Nick can be officially classified as being "girl crazy." After he comes home from school, he jumps right on his homework and flies through it, so he can spend the rest of the night in his room on his Ipod or cell phone. He uses his Ipod for the internet, so he has been spending a lot of time on "Face Time," I think it's called. I am not too happy about him being on there, but all of his friends are on there and that's how they communicate for the most part. Nick will talk to his "girlfriend" on the phone or through texts and then chat on Face Time with his buddies. Apparently, this week's "girlfriend" doesn't have an Ipod. I'm not too familiar with the whole Ipod thing, because I do not have one and quite honestly hate technology. I can't keep up with all the new electronic computer stuff out there and nor do I care to do so. My brain isn't capable of learning new things that I really don't care to know. I only have enough brain space to learn about things I actually care about, however, I suppose I should be a bit more educated with the Ipod since Nick spends so much time using it. Then again, Michael keeps himself very up to date with all that kind of stuff, so I think I'll pass the buck to him and allow him to oversee the whole internet, Ipod, cell phone stuff and all the drama that comes with it.

Something happens once boys reach teenage years. I've now witnessed it with my own child, so I know the warnings I've received from other mothers about boys turning 13 are true. The seem to grow vertically very fast! The go to bed one night 4'11 and wake up 5'6. I swear! LOL... Then the next night they go to bed with squeaky child voices that have been cracking for the past few weeks and wake up with the voice of man, much deeper than you ever imagined it could be. Of course I am exaggerating about everything happening over night, but ask any mother and she will agree that their children grew so fast that it all seemed to happen in what feels like "over night." Nick is now 14 and still acts like a child about a lot of things. However, I've noticed that he is getting much easier to talk with about life situations and he actually understands what I'm saying. He even initiates conversations with me about intellectual topics which almost scares me, LOL... He has finally started to express interest in what he thinks he might want to be "when he grows up." It's been really cool discussing different opportunities and options that will be available to him once he graduates high school. He has started to come to me for advice with "the girls." I'm very happy that he feels comfortable enough to come to me for advice in this area and he has even asked some very uncomfortable questions that I've had to answer to the best of my ability without wanting to resort to the way my mother explained everything to me. Nothing was sugar coated and no words were filtered. The answers I received from her about "becoming a woman" were so blunt and forth right, I still shake my head and wonder in amazement as to what in the world she was thinking by giving such responses. One thing is for sure, if I asked a question, I got a very direct answer all the time. Nothing was left to my imagination, although looking back, I wish some things were left to my imagination. LOL... I've tried very hard to answer his questions as direct as I can without having to just blurt out the uncensored answer. Nickolas can be hard headed and not capable of "reading between the lines" so I've had to answer some things more bluntly than I wanted to do, but so far I think I've done okay. I do however, after every conversation we have where I am answering "growing up" issues, demand he not tell Isaiah! I want Isaiah to be able to come to me with his own questions and not get the unfiltered answers from his hormone raging older brother, LOL. I just pray Isaiah is just as comfortable talking to me about his questions as Nick is. I want that relationship with my boys so that I know what's going on in their lives, not because I want to be overly nosey or demand they do what I say (mainly because you have to learn to fail in life) but so I know if they are emotionally hurting, offer advice, suggest options, etc. Now, if I learn they are doing something completely against what I've taught, I will have to stand my ground and be the "mean Mom." For the most part though, I feel Michael and I have done a decent job demonstrating and teaching our boys the way God wants them to live, the way we want them to live and the way they should want to live their lives. However, I am well aware that they will make their mistakes and disappoint me at some point. I know for sure I made my mistakes and continue to do so and have disappointed my parents several times. As long as they learn from their mistakes and do not make life altering detrimental mistakes (like getting a girl pregnant before marriage), I'll be happy!

Well, that's what's been going on here in the "Mayne household." Please keep us in your prayers and I'll try to keep my followers updated as new opportunities and options present themselves.
~In His Loving Name~
**Sherri**

Friday, August 24, 2012

Insomnia can be good….

I’ve always found my insomnia nights to be dreadful. I never look forward to the following day where I’m dragging myself around just trying to stay awake so I can “possibly” sleep that night. But today, I’ve thought that my
insomnia nights may be a bit beneficial.
 
It’s much easier to clean when I don’t have children or a husband interrupting me constantly. I can play MY music as loud as I want (as long as it’s not too loud that it wakes up the boys) and even dance around because no one is watching. This private time also allows me to journal, spend time on the computer catching up with friends/family and emails.

So, no longer will I look at my insomnia nights as “negative” rather I will look at them as a “positive” experience.

As for dragging butt the whole next day, well… we can’t have it all…. =)

Toothpaste…. Stronger than Hairspray

I always thought that hairspray was the toughest thing around. It gets stuck to everything and takes some pretty good muscle grease to get it off. Of course, the removal of hairspray only comes after using every chemical in your cleaning cabinet. Well, my children have introduced me to something even more stubborn. TOOTHPASTE; Spongebob toothpaste to be specific…

First of all… I’ll never understand how two boys can make such a mess out of one tube of toothpaste. Can the directions get any easier? Hold and squeeze onto the toothbrush; that’s it… My children have turned their tube of toothpaste into the ketchup bottle, which I clean off on a daily basis. On busy days the ketchup bottle might get a couple cleanings because of the over abundance of use it received that day. Regardless, I’ve never got on the boys behinds about leaving a mess after using the ketchup, because I just tossed it up to the fact that “they are boys.” Well, this morning I realized the reason for their messiness is NOT just because “they are boys,” it’s simply that they are lazy. BEYOND LAZY!!!

This morning, I went upstairs after both boys had rushed out the door to meet their respective school buses. I went into the bathroom to do some laundry (yes, my washer and dryer are on the 2nd floor; in my bathroom) and accidentally glanced at the sink. What a mistake!!! At first I was stunned that my boys had actually brushed their teeth BEFORE school. This is a major victory in itself. My excitement didn’t last very long, however. Upon further investigation, I determined that they didn’t brush their teeth, they brushed the sink!

The blue glue was smeared all over the sink itself and the poor toothpaste container was covered from top to bottom with the sticky mess. After a long sigh and a roll of the eyes, I began to “try” to clean the mess. Little did I know it was going to take 3 different cleaning products to remove all the toothpaste from the sink. As for the tube of toothpaste itself; forget it. I threw it right in the garbage. There was no way to save what was left nor did I want to do so.

So, in conclusion, mothers beware of the blue glue they market as “toothpaste.” It is tougher than Aqua Rock and it is bound to give you a headache as you engage in the tedious task of removing the junk from your porcelain.